oswald at 530am

In the recent past I’ve struggled to focus through my day if I have yet to spend time with Christ in total undivided attention and spent time exercising.  It seems now once those two are complete it has truly freed me up the rest of the day to be available for everyone around me.  Well, it’s about time to hit the stationary bike for awhile – the ironman awaits. 

 This morning is my second attempt to get up at 530am and I’m loving it.  I’ve never been one ever to be so discipined to do so and have always struggled to be a morning person.  It has truly shown me how benefitial it is to have time to yourself to take care of the most important things before my friends and family and others need my attention for the day.  How can I serve others if I have not served myself through god’s word and prayer before the day has begun?   

oswald sanders in his book “the best that I can be” states that in Isaiah 42:1-4 the prophet predicts six qualities of character as to be a servant

1.      dependence

2.      acceptance

3.   modesty

4.   compassion

5.   optimism

6.   anointing 

my simple prayer today is that I would allow these qualities to shape me and that quote the verse “I have glorified thee on earth” john 17:4

 I came across two quotes that I loved recently: “you can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other peoples successes than two years trying to get others to make yourself successful” dale carnegie “you can’t lead the people, if you don’t love the people and you can’t save the people, if you don’t serve the people” cornel west, professor at princeton university (quote off of a starbucks cup)  

luke 10 reflection

S – luke 10

“what a huge harvest! Ask the god of the harvest to send harvest hands.  Be careful – this is hazardous work.  Don’t loiter.  Don’t impose yourself.  Don’t move from house to house, eat what they set before you.” Vs. 2-8 exerps The one who listens to you, listens to me.  The one who rejects you, rejects me.  Safe passage as you walk on snakes and scorpions, and protection from every assault of the enemy.  No one can put a hand on you.  The great truimph in your authority over evil, but in god’s authority over you and presence with you.  Not what you do for god but what god does for you – that’s the agenda for rejoicing”. :16; 19-20

O – jesus commissions his disciples out two by two into the villages to tell people about his kingdom.  He basically tells them it’s not going to be easy and gives some instructions on how to approach people.  He instructs us not to push ourselves on anyone but yet initiate contact with people.  We need to pray because there are so many souls and we need people to help!  Even though it is hazardous, he encourages us by letting us know we will have his protection – the joy comes in putting ourselves out there and letting him use us.

A – I need to ask rory to go with me to the king of clubs so they’ll be two of us and I need to pray even harder for the harvest hands.

P – god I pray this morning that wherever I step and whom ever I meet that I would rely on your protection and your guidance to help me.  In the weeks to come as I volunteer in this community that people would see your incarnation through me as I serve.  Not that I would receive any kind of glory but that they would see your love.  Help me to be the good samaritan and keep an eye out for those that need a physical touch as well.

inspirational movies & childlike faith

a few days ago i caught some kind of bug that just hasn’t left yet.   it’s just been nasty.  i’ve been sick more in the past month than i have in the past two years combined.  my head has been screaming and had nothing to do but lay on my back.  camden prayed for me tonight “jesus, touch daddy’s stomach, amen!”  i’m claiming that!

i decided with nothing else to do i would get into our dvd library.  i watched some of my favorites: sea biscuit, radio, and braveheart.  yesterday i spent the entire day watching the lord of the rings trilogy.  it gave my body and brain a vacation from all the reading i’ve done over the last three weeks!  here’s a few quotes that i loved:

 ”you don’t throw away a life just because it is a little beat up” sea biscuit

 ”every man dies, but very few really live” braveheart

toddler prophesy & mother teresa

earlier this week i blogged about how messy 3 year olds can be and how it relates to my spiritual life.  tonight amy and i lost focus of our toddler for just a few minutes (not a good idea ever!) and her a crash in the kitchen.  we had been eating some stew that amy cooked for dinner tonight and camden obviously was still hungry – enough said.  simply stare at the pics below and have your fill and smile because it was not your kid and you didn’t have to clean up the mess.  all i could do was laugh.

other than that today was nice.  i got to spend another day at mardel’s and border’s for some more knowledge.  here’s a couple of incredibly humbling quotes from one of my favorite’s: mother teresa:

“I do not think I have any special qualities.  I don’t claim anything for the work.  It is his work.  I am like a little pencil in his hand, that is all.  He does the thinking.  He does the writing.  The pencil has nothing to do with it.  the pencil has only to be allowed to be used.”

“once we take our eyes away from ourselves, from our interests, our own rights, privileges, ambitions, they they will become clear to see jesus around us”  “there are many people who can do big things, but there are very few people who will do the small things”

“try to put in the hearts of your children a love for the home.  Make them long to be with their family.  So much sin could be avoided if our people really loved their homes”

almost 30 and….

as i was finishing up a 5 mile run this afternoon i realized something about myself.  as i glean upon my life and look back at my past, it saddens me and motivates me all at the same time.  i feel like until about two and a half years ago i was chasing my own ambitions, my own dream, and my own desires.  i was trying to climb the ladder of what others would call – success.  that word means far different things now.  during this time i’ve been trying to discover what this life is all about and where i fall in it. 

i spent the first 18 years in a pastor’s home, almost the next 4 in bible college, and five more in church ministry.  i watched alot occur and soaked it all in, read alot of books, listened to alot of tapes, attended classes, conferences, and seminars.  i preached many messages, organized events, led programs, and even went on mission trips.  i thought that was “ministry”.  if my boys think that ministry is something that happens in the four walls of a church or on some sort of platform – i have failed them.  if we are a follower of christ then we are a minister.  that means we are sent out not sent in. 

the entire time, not even realizing it, trying to be someone important and build myself up in other’s eyes.  the entire time being someone who i really wasn’t.

over the past six months i feel like i’m truly discovering what following christ is really about.  not from watching someone else, reading someone’s book, or hearing another sermon.  from following him myself first hand through his word, prayer, worship, and serving others.  for so long, too long, i thought ministry was a structured 1-2-3 process or structure.  i thought i would arrive.  everything left me confused and uncertain. 

we allow others and even ourselves to make this thing so difficult and complex.  we come up with “philosophies of ministry”.  jesus’ was simple – GO!  that’s it.  he told us to love god and love others.  but over time we’ve made it so hard.  we’ve fallen prey to “paralysis by analysis”. 

i’m almost 30 and i am more certain of why i am here then ever before.  it’s simply to die while i am still here on earth.  if i die, unless christ comes back, i would like my epitaph to say, “on this day ricky vanpay’s physical body is dead, but he really died at age 29.  i am no longer living for myself but for god and others.  please god help me because i struggle everyday and my imperfections and short comings become larger and larger as i draw closer to you. 

the kingdom of god is like a toddler with leaf piles

this afternoon i did something i’ve been putting off for sometime – raking the leaves in my backyard.  my yard is set up where it seems like all other leaves in the neighborhood flock to – it’s stinks.  so after watching a little football with a neighbor i hit the yard. 

i raked about ten piles of leaves on the side of our house and my toddler camden was let loose from his nap to join his daddy.  i love it when he’s in the yard with me playing.  it was my ignorance that i continued in another direction and forgot to keep an eye on him.  i heard him screaming in excitement as i watched in horror as he was like a tornado unraveling a trailer home! 

i was about to get quite angry when i realized once again – that’s me isn’t God?  you set things up for me in life and spend time working on my behalf and i come in and just jack it all up.  you love me so much and want me to have fun in the backyard of life, but there are certain things you really don’t want me to do.

i’m not trying to make everything in life an illustration, but it just seems like lately my toddler is teaching me more about my relationship with god than anything else.  since i’ve become a dad – it makes me appreciate him so much more.

altar calls

i was wandering today after church – where in the bible is an altar call given?  i know people were called to action and given an opportunity to respond, how else would people be saved?  if we read in the OT people built altars to God. 

sometimes i wander how effective altar calls are.  i was raised in churches where this was a high priority and i believe in the power of them.  i was filled with the holy spirit at an altar and called to devote myself to become a pastor at an altar in estes park, colorado.  but…. at times i wander. 

is an altar call a way for a preacher to find out how good he did and find out how many people were touched.  does it happen to feel a man’s ego?  is it manipulative?  my prayer is that all over the world it would not be.  sometimes i’m concerned that it is an end to our real purpose.  what i mean is – if we truly desire people to make a change or desire a call to action – do we really want them to come to an altar or leave the church and actually do the action outside the four walls.  as long as their is both that is a sweet combination.  i just can’t help but wander if the walking down to the front is an end to the action it is really designed for.  i pray that it is never entertainment and that it is a show for other’s to pander upon.

well needed sabbath

this week has flown by and in so many ways i wander how productive it was.  i think my #1 sin and my biggest weakness in life is my unability most of the time to rest without feeling guilty.  why can’t i watch tv at times and not feel like i should be doing something else and not wasting time?  why can’t i take a nap without feeling restless like something else is unfinished?  why it is so hard not to check my email or leave my phone off?  i struggled with that today. 

i woke up fixed breakfast and the fam went to the claremore mall “walmart” and loaded up on nutritious food.  we ate some lunch and while amy did some shopping i attempted to take a nap with camden.  it was so hard for me to know things weren’t being checked off my to do list.  it was the first nap attempt i’ve had in a long time, except for being sick and my surgery recovery.  we took camden to see the new veggie tales movie and even know i was spending time with my family i struggled through some of the movie thinking of things that still needed to be done.

we got home and i hopped on the stationary bike and thought i would watch some of the patriots game at the same time – multitasking.  i felt tired because of the long work week and the amount of hours i put in and was somewhat moody with the family and here it was our family day and my sabbath.  before i realized it my day was almost done before i realized – no bible and no worship and no prayer time.  did it bother me more that i am a future church planter and pastor or that i am a child of god and hadn’t spent time with my heavenly father?  definetly the later.

i told amy i needed to get away and retreat into our room.  i opened my bible and began to soak in the scriptures.  i put on my ipod and began to worship to some of my favorite songs.  one of the songs began to say, “i am pleasing to you” and i began to cry.  it reminded me of the passage in the bible when jesus was baptized and god’s voice spoke, “this is my son in whom i am well pleased“.  he said that before jesus did any of his public ministry.  he said that before healings, forgiveness of sins, speaking to the crowds, pouring into his disciples, prayers, and most importantly his ultimate destination – the cross!  god was pleased with jesus for who he was and not for anything he was going to do.

god is pleased with me before i do anything.  he is pleased before i check off anything on the list.  he is pleased before i serve anyone.  he is please before i go to work.  he is pleased….. today it took all day for god to remind me of that.  i struggle with taking sabbaths, but i need them more than i’ll ever know.  god reminds me that he doesn’t need my help.  he reminds me that my family will do just fine without me doing something that day.  he reminds me that this world will still move on despite me not trying to make an impact in it.

perhaps someone out there in the blogging world will read this and may it encourage you that god loves you not for what you can do but for who you are – his child.

inspector & messy disciple

when cambo was 1 1/2 years old i brought him with me one day doing inspections.  it was all good till the melt down on the way home.  with that said i hadn’t taken him since.  but….today he is twice as old and i decided to give it another try.  i put an earphone in his ear and one in mind and we worshipped christ together from my ipod.  his favorite song is “how great is our god” by chris tomlin.  we prayed together – it can’t get any better or can it?  he’s jesus’ little disciple.

he got out and helped me measure a house and then we drove 30min toward another town.  it’s a beautiful drive but very curvy – he told me his stomach hurt.  oh yes – the worse projectile you’ve ever seen all over his lap.  it was so messy.  it stunk.   he’s my little inspector.

 it made me think of mike yaconelli’s book, “messy spirituality” and rick mckinley’s book “this beautiful mess”.  hanging out with people can get messy.  they bring to the table luggage and alot of sin.  but don’t we all?  we are all messy but yet christ still loves us so much.

camden got cleaned up we grabbed a cheese burger and found a playground.  he took off so excited to hit the slide.  as his father though things got messy today it never stops me from loving him and watching him play – ring a bell?

wings & an usher

this morning i typed up a bunch of notes from the books i’ve read this week – not fun.  but… i want to be able retain all the information funneling through my brain.  i met up with a friend of mine that has been burned by church ministry and is in a time of questioning.  i love it though on how real he is about it all and i told him how much i respected his feelings.  i shared with him my dreams of the future and he really gave me great encouragement.  i’m looking forward to eating more wings with my dear friend.

i ran 2 miles when i got home and then helped amy get the house ready for our dinner guest.  cody was one of my ushers in my wedding and was in town visiting.  he let me know that he wouldn’t be where he is today without some of my influence from seven years previously.  that is one of the greatest compliments one can receive.  thank you god for flowing through me touch another – may i simply make myself available and serve others beyond myself.  that’s not easy but help me in my endeavor to do so.

 i was also given an extremely helpful website by a fellow trainer www.fitday.com helps keep an online journal in everything you eat, calories burned, weight, and keeps reports.  best part is that it is totally free.