During the early summer of 2007 I found myself driving a pick up truck driving all over northeast Oklahoma performing routine insurance inspections. It allowed me to be away from people and be safe. I never had to deal with much conflict and it allowed me to run from past dreams, passions, and a call on my life to do so much more. I didn’t know the next step to take. All my energies were focused on triathlon because it made me feel good as I was losing weight and gave me something to be passionate about. I believe when we lose passion and our life gets put on hold we look for something else that we can live for. When I found myself driving to a church office toward the end of 2004 and seeing a 30,000 square feet student center building being built I thought that was suppose to be my dream. I found myself locked inside a “church bubble” and everyone I knew already knew Christ. We packed our bags and headed north with nothing.
I searched frantically looking at campus ministry opportunities and found none. I looked at sports ministries and found none. I even looked into traditional church ministry again as I thought I had reached a dead end. Then the pressure of finances and having a young family drove me to the newspaper searching for courier jobs, delivery positions, and I still remember having an interview with Fed Ex and Swan’s dairy. I decided then that my past, my calling, and my passion of the unknown would be put on hold. I landed the job and drove around waiting on God to speak to me. Every day I prayed, “God I know you’ve got more for my life than this. I’m waiting on you I’ll do whatever you want me to do!” My self-esteem was only hanging on by what I achieved through triathlon and my relationship with God that seemed to be dwindling because for my whole life it was a relationship determined by “church”.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It gives me chills. I was driving up near Ponca City Oklahoma and in the quiet voice of my heavenly father that I was so desperately waiting to hear from I heard him say, “Ricky I’ve given you opportunities and you’ve run. You’ve quit on opportunities because you got scared. You are allowing the demons of your past to haunt you and causing you to miss out on your full potential.” I began to write down some very difficult questions to myself that day in my truck. Questions no one wants to ask themselves, but I knew in order to get a hold of my own self-defeating mentality I had to go there. No longer could I look at life as a victim. I came across that little 1/2 sheet piece of paper a few weeks ago and I shed a tear as the changes began taking place. Here’s those questions:
1. Did I fail at the past churches I held positions at? If so how? Why? What lessons can be learned?
2. Am I intimidated by certain types of people, perhaps with more leadership skills than I? Do they make me insecure?
3. Am I hiding in my present situation where it’s comfortable & secure so I won’t have to deal with my past?
4. Am I truly reaching out to those far from God now than when I was a Student Pastor?
5. Is Claremore our comfortable place of refuge you keep bringing us back too or….. the long-term place of living?
6. Are there relationships in my life that need to be mended? People I need to forgive?
7. Am I growing as a leader? More importantly as a child of God?
8. Do I have personal demons that are eating me alive?
9. Am I a selfish husband? Daddy? In what ways do I need to change?
10. What legacy am I leaving?
11. What are my long-term goals, dreams, vision for my life and my family?
12. What can I do with my past experience, education, and ordination to make the biggest impact?
13 How can I help Amy reach her full potential and support her giftings?
3 months later I shared these questions with Amy as she began cry and we began to confront them. On that same night I felt God say, “Stop waiting on me anymore Ricky. I’m waiting on you. Waiting on you to make the changes you know you need to make. When you do, there’s something waiting – a dream I’ll put in your heart – that will blow you away. It will be everything I’ve been preparing in my timing for you. So start making the changes and stop waiting on me to do something. I’m waiting on you.” The endeavor of The Well had begun and I didn’t even know it. 2 months after that night through a series of fasting, middle of the night prayer wake-up calls, long conversations, and others speaking into my life – The Well was birthed in our hearts.
Why do I say all of this? I believe someone that reads the daily pursuit regularly needed to hear all of this. If it is just one person. Take it and run with it. Go be everything he’s created you to be. If you are someone on the other end of it, be patient as the journey unfolds, not always fun, but your time is coming and just hang in there!
That was for me, bro.