A Cry of Desperation

June 24, 2008 — Leave a comment

Usually on Mondays and Wednesdays I hit the road to do insurance inspections.  I get in my truck, turn on my ipod with my favorite worship songs, and begin to worship – then I begin to pray.  Yesterday I just had a hard time getting through – so I felt.  I just didn’t sense anything.  I struggled in my prayer time – I know others have never faced this.  I asked if there was sin in my heart that perhaps was causing me to feel distant.  Finally i just layed it out before God and said, “God I know you are here, you never leave me nor forsake me, I trust you……. I don’t have to “feel you” I just simply put my faith that you are hearing me.  Almost immediately my heart broke as I just felt a breakthrough.

Have you ever felt like that before?  Sometimes it is just harder than others?  Last night as I checked my final email, I went to bed.  As I attempted to go to sleep – it was as though I had just consumed three red bulls.  I tossed and turned and knew immediately – it was one of those nights.  What do I mean?  My spirit was tugging me to get out of bed and listen…. I can be one of the most skeptical people in the world when it comes to this stuff – but as I draw closer to Christ I just believe.  Never in my life have I ever felt so strongly to look at a specific passage of scripture – Acts 18:6.  As I got out of bed – I just sensed that this verse would clear up some worry that I had and that it would be a life verse with me and this endeavor.  As I read out of the message verses 6-11.

“When Silas and Timothy arrived from Macedonia, paul was able to give all his time to preaching and teaching, doing everything he could to persuade the Jews that Jesus was in fact God’s Messiah.  but no such luck.  All they did was argue contentiously and contradict him at every turn.  Totally exasperated, Paul had finally had it with them and gave it up as a bad job.  “Have it your way, then, he said.  “You’ve made your bed; now lie in it.  From now I’m spending my time with the other nations.”

He walked out and went to the home of Titius Justus, a God-fearing man who lived right next to the Jews’ meeting place.  but Paul’s efforts with the Jews weren’t a total loss, for Crispus, the meeting-place president, put his trust in the master.  His entire family believed with him.  In the course of listening to Paul, a great many Corinthians believed and were baptized.  One night the master spoke to Paul in a dream: “Keep it up, and don’t let anyone intimidate or silence you.  No matter what happens, I‘m with you and no one is going to be able to hurt you.  You have no idea how many people i have on my side in this city.”  that was all he needed to stick it out.”

The rest involved me laying on my face crying for a really long time.  I told Amy this morning I haven’t had that kind of experience where I literally felt such a strong presence as though people were in the room, in over six years.  It was a cry of desperation to hear the voice of God, to see miracles, to see people’s marriages restored, to see God move in such a way that we know it was him.  I read so many times about Peter’s shadow literally healing people, or Paul going into a village and speaking and blind people can see.  I want that in my own life.  I want to experience it.  I’m hungry and am believing that it is going to happen in my community, in my own house.  I’m desperate for more and I’m thirsting and hungering for it.  The word says, “If we will hunger and thirst we will be filled”.  If we will confess our sins and turn our face toward heaven, he will forgive us and heal our land”.  In the last days he will pour out his Spirit.”

Are you hungry?  Are you thirsty?  Do you want something more?  Do you want to see the hand of God move?  Pray… pray a lot…. lets hunger for him more than anything else.


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